On Dating A Gay Guy:
To Queer or not to Queer!
Beginning of a journey and an end to a theory! A girl shares her side of the story…
(Picture up: Of movie poster 'Some Like It Hot', which is an American romantic screwball comedy film from 1959, starred Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon and George Raft.)
By: Rowa K.
In every girl’s life, there’s a one that clashes over, someone that comes out of the blue and whether he decides to stay or not, he leaves an impeccable remark, and unforgettable print that remains in a dusty box that we open at the most desperate times. Love, defined in the songs all the time, and the ones that accompany humor are the best ones to remember along this strange life of ours! How do I start this crazy theory?! Well the first thing that comes to mind is my mother’s comment “habeebti bimshi zay il banat! (Darling, he walks like a girl)”I naturally demanded an explanation to what she simply replied “teezo bitlo2 lamma yemshi (he accentuated hip movement to another level)”. That alone should have been a wakeup call and ought to have warned me of my ex’s tendency of playing for the other team… or both teams. God it was confusing!
One of the signs that should have warned me is the day the electricity cut out in our area. That day a date was in order, so I took a shower in the oh so romantic “candle light” (not so romantic when it’s a solo shower and the only idea occupying one’s mind is “fate please don’t let me slip on the soap”) so basically the girly girl – me in case you were wondering – managed to not only shower but also fix my hair and muster the artistic talents in my possession to allow the –close to impossible- application of make-up –in the darkness of my bathroom.
So I get to his place – he has a generator by the way – he had better facilities for prepping up yet he manages to leave me waiting on him to get his hair perfectly sculpted into shape. That incident made me ponder “maybe he’s metrosexual (A heterosexual, usually an urban male who pays much attention to his personal appearance and cultivates a an upscale lifestyle). We’re in the 21st century at least he’s super hygienic – to stop myself from hyper ventilating of course.
If that wasn’t enough, wait till you hear about this! I was in a rather dark mood once, so naturally I didn’t have the energy to fix myself up, that makes sense right? On the contrary, I let a friend of mine bring out my secretly tucked away “Sasha Fierce”. I thought I want to look desirable to my boyfriend, maybe he’d give me a boost of self-esteem (shouldn’t they do that? No?), he’s going to love it I thought – I was rather negative at the time – and he’d want to un-wrap me like a frisky flair.
Sorry to disappoint you but you would have to guess again; he looks into my eyes – I catch my breath thinking oh my God this is so amorous – I breathe out in disappointment when he decides to blurt out “fi mascara 3ala haydeh il mayleh aktar min haydeek il mayleh (there’s more mascara on this eye than the other one, in a Lebanese accent)”.
That was the precise boost of confidence I needed! You might be pondering; “hey the poor guy was merely stating his own observations”, it becomes gradually suspicious when your guy takes on the role of a slightly unbearable/”TANT” (girly) version of Dr. Phil. He also acts like such a bitch –sorry for using such a violent word but its rather expressive- by interrupting my ears from the juicy gossip conversations I was entitled to just because he feels left out and wants to be included.
“…he was a reluctant individual, scared to explore the world possessing rainbow skies, feathers and the like.”
Law of curious attractions
Another sign God has sent, is the fact that he always manages to attract “out of the closet queers”. He claims in a dismayed -yet secretly loving the attention- tone how harassed he feels when this happens (this interaction has occurred several times).
For example, we were at some random club dancing the night away. He dances in a pretty eccentric and peculiar way; very feminine as well I must add. Although everyone who knows him in some way notices the oddness of his ways, I just assumed that he doesn’t have an extensive background in the art of club dance. Moves such as “ticktonic” and “fist pumping” as the boys and girls of the Jersey shore refer to those actions.
On the contrary, when I left that club –before he did- he was apparently approached by an undercover gay man. My sexually confused ex – guy presumably freaked out and left the scene. Ladies and gentlemen don’t we all know what that type of behavior usually entails? Yes a shy one who refuses to come out of the –secretly “glitzed and glammed” – closet. He was a reluctant individual, scared to explore the world possessing rainbow skies, feathers and the like.