Things I Learned Not to Do on First Dates
According to the hellish-dating expert!
A continuation of My #7 Dates from Hell!
(Video: A guy meets a blind date in a restaurant and his brain goes into
overdrive, with an epic struggle between the logical and inhibited left
side and the emotional, impulsive right side. Animated short film by the
talented Josiah Haworth, Joon Shik Song and Joon Soo Song!)
By Zany Delaney
#1 Never, under any circumstances, ask a guy to man up his act.
If you are too embarrassed by someone who is 90% in touch with his feminine side, then simply don’t go out with him. If you are still interested in him and you really want to meet up, then be honest and upfront about what you want, but in the politest way possible because you don’t know what childhood pain you might trigger, what high school nickname you just reminded that person of. Be a gentlemen when asking for something of someone you don’t know anything about.
#2 A gift is a nice thing to leave your first date with.
Just make it small, sentimental, like a lily, a silly note, an Instagram selfie, or a goodnight kiss! Give them something they can carry home, not something they get carried in, and I can’t emphasize this enough. Never think that money can buy your way into someone’s heart. Telling someone that you want to practically own them for a small period of time every now and then, even if it was said in a polite, sweet way, is still an insult to everything that person is, or ever will be.
#3 We might call it the dating ‘game’…
But don’t make your date look for you when it’s in a public place just so you could make sure of whatever it is you need to make sure of. That is silly child play, and if you have to do it out of fear that you are dating a minor and afraid of getting caught, then don’t date a minor in the first place. Wait till they are 18 and older; until then, try to date someone your own age, someone who actually graduated from being asked for their ID at bars.
#4 Always carry extra money when out on a date.
You never know what might happen, and never ever do what this guy did (read My #7 Dates from Hell here)! It is rude and extremely unattractive. That said, never talk about your ex for longer than a “I wish him/her luck” line. It is one of the biggest turn offs, and even if you do talk about your ex, don’t compare your date to that person, it shows signs of leftover feelings in that fridge you call a brain, and is simply classified under bad manners.
#5 Do not go on dates if you have a partner.
It is as simple as that! Cheating is filthy, distance is not an excuse, and above all, the person you are sleeping with is not your shrink, they are not there to make you feel better about being a cheating douchebag. If your boyfriend lives faraway, then wait till the weekend, and if the distance keeps you both apart for a long time, then have a talk, see what works for you, and if it is just not worth it, then wait until you finalize your break up to start sleeping with other people.
#6 This advice is for everyone who does not want to look like a 7-year-old on a date.
GO OUT. If you can’t sit at home, then GO OUT for a walk. If you are going to call for takeout, then GO OUT and get food. Leaving the house is the idea of a date, getting dressed up, pulling on your A Game, having a good meal or a lovely talk under a starlit sky. So, unless you are cooking for a person, having a lovely pop-corn and wine movie night prepared, or it is a one-night stand, then you have no excuse for staying in on a first date. And if you want to stay in, then keep It indoors, not in hallways.
#7 Never take a guy out on a date with your “bodyguards”/friends.
Being escorted by other people, people who I have never met and don’t know, on a date is a complete turn-off, creepy and makes things awkward! It’s a date between us two, not us four, five or even ten! When you go out on a date, regardless of the nature of that date, the purpose is to get to know each other emotionally, romantically, intimately or even sexually, and having other people there is just wrong! If anything, give me a head’s up if they’re joining us so that I would be in the know!
Now that I have shared with you the deal-breakers, let me take you on a short trip to a few of my deal-makers. Be original, be exciting, be respectful, think out loud, think differently, listen deeply, be honest, be funny, and if you cannot be funny then embrace your sense of humor. Dress for the occasion, and above all remember to be yourself, nobody will ever fall for who you are if you don’t show it.