Ditch The Big-old Flaming Question!
By: Haitham Y.
Many of us look the part, and many aren’t! And yes, it’s unfair to many of those who don’t want others to know about their sexuality, and that their attitude rat them out in the most unconventional ways, and if you’re lucky enough it could be witnessed from Mars! While others are, just are, walking the mile without that extra hip-swing, laying their feet in cold water, knowing that their body language is the least clue to their sexuality! But, there’s a fine line between femininity and acting full-on gay! And not sure where the bliss lies really! But we all hate it when a new “someone”, who tagged along with a friend, sitting next to us on a Saturday brunch, asks you coly “Sorry, don’t mean to be rude but, are you gay?”! What? Did a purse fall out of my mouth? Do I chew humming Madonna’s tunes? Did I forget to take off my little sister’s ballerinas? There’s always something there, just there, that gives it away! But if you’re smart enough, and in other words, if you have My.Kali’s guide-tips to ditch the big-old Q when it’s thrown your way (and if you’re uncomfortable answering)! Check out some of our none-failed trade-tips!
1- Your friend’s girlfriend: “Sorry, don’t mean to be rude but, are you gay?”
You: Well, I always wanted to be straight but it’s too boring!
2- Your friend’s guy friend: “Hey dude, are you a homo?”
You: I wish!
3- Your cousin’s guy friend: “I always wanted to ask you, are you gay?”
You: Well, if I was I would totally do you!
4- Your discrete best friend’s neighbor: “…yea yea, I agree, like, I have nothing against gay people. What do you think?”
You: Yea, sure, can you pass me the salad please?
5- Your casual guy friend in university: “Yea that’s the guy who takes calculus with me in class, he’s totally gay. Are you?”
You: Well, the question really here is, how did you notice? Mmm and why are you asking?
6- Your old school girl mate who you recently bonded with: “Com’on, you know you can tell me anything, are you gay?”
You: I thought I was, but it’s never gay with you baby!
7- Your brother’s best friend: “Well, my brother’s best friend is gay too! So….?”
Your: Do you want me to be? Cause I can if you want… just say the word!
8- Your university friends group: “We all wanna know, are you gay?”
You: That’s it! Promise me you’ll never tell, nobody knows I’m a lesbian!
9- Your mother: “ARE YOU GAY?”
You: it depends, if it’s that ugly neighbor-friend’s daughter of yours whose asking, then YES!
10- Your macho brother: “Be honest, I won’t say a word, are you gay?”
You: I bet every guy next to you looks gay!